Love Hate Love Hate Love

I saw the graffiti of ‘love hate love hate love’ is quite common on the streets of Yogyakarta. I didn’t know what the artist really meant by that. I still have no clue till now.

I like to think that between love and hate, there’s only one thin line that separates them. When we love someone or something too much and when they disappoint us or hurt us, that love would turn into hate quickly. On the contrary, what once we hated so much, it could show us its other side of the coin and we could fall in love.

How much hate are you feeling right now? And how much love? Which one is bigger? Do you let it consume you, or do you tend to control it?

My first attempt in writing something under Hate theme, I went on and on about all the things I hate about my childhood. And then it made me cry all night. It made me feel all those painful events all over again. The weird part is, as I am getting older, the more detail I remember. All of a sudden I realize how it will never go away. It stays. It leaves a big scar. But I don’t have to weep every time I’m reminded that I have such big scar.

For some time now I have been trying how to write hate in a different perspective.

Hate makes people kill.

Hate consumes people, makes people blindsided.

Hate makes human souls rot and suggest it to do evil.

Hate makes human pale, unhappy, scared of.

Hate lets people justify all the wrongdoings.

Hate takes away source of life: light, peace, smile, laughter, love.

So I don’t want to linger there. Yes, I acknowledge that we shouldn’t ignore or pretend that we don’t feel it. I did embrace that hatred, because I believe that the only way out is through.

Instead I wrote down the blessings from my bad childhood:

I grew up to be a strong, resilient, and independent woman.

There is nothing life throws at me that I can’t catch and throw back even harder.

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A Reflection On Life

One of my favorite writers, James Altucher wrote ‘How To Get Off The Floor When All Seems Hopeless’. You can read it here.

I think we all had that experience when we don’t know what to do or even where to seek advice. Hopeless. Powerless.

James’ writing is to help his readers dealing with that situation. One thing that I highlighted from his writing is this: “..the best way to help others is to first be kind with yourself.”

Kind. Kindness.

I was very good at listening to complaints, giving advice, and assist friends who went through difficult times. It felt good that they are counting on me. It made me feel needed. Somehow I also felt I was liberated from my own burden.

I didn’t realize then how much I needed help before the night my father tried to hit me again. It happened last year, when I was super busy with my wedding preparation.

The one thing I learned from that experience is, that it is always easier said than done.

Continue reading “A Reflection On Life”