An Invitation To Go Home

I remember when I was a kid, on sixth grade if i’m not mistakenly remember, I got a birthday party invitation from a friend. The address was: APT Gandaria. My cousin, he’s about 10 years older, drove me to the party. We were unable to find the location as the phrase APT was such a mystery. After three times got lost into the wrong neighborhood, we finally solved the mystery–APT stands for Apartment. Back then apartments were not as many as today, so we were not aware/familiar with the acronym. That was an invitation that was like a mystery.
After attending more birthday parties during my pubescent age, I learned that there are other kinds of invitation-work interview. My first work interview was in 2009, I was an undergrad, looking for extra money so I applied to a study center on campus to be a secretary. I remember I was nervous, so briefed myself about possible questions and what the best answers were. I was a bit stammered in the beginning but then got my confidence. I ended up working there for two years. That was an invitation that was like a life lesson.
I got so good at working interviews, as time goes by. I’m almost always able to steal the interviewer’s heart and they end up recruting me. But, there were times when I failed as well. And these times were the best lessons:sometimes it’s not because you’re not good, it’s just because you’re not meant to be there. After trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life, I work my way through, and still am. And you know how time flies, right? How you got so deep in your own little circle, building a life you think was righy for you. Until one day, everything you have done to create your own life and happinessĀ just collapsed in front of you. Yep. Just like that.

And here comes a new invitation. A call for going ‘home’. In your exhaustion, your desperation, you need someone there to tell you everything’s going to OK. Someone who hug you, who lifts you up. And when you get older this circle of friends is getting smaller. And your bestest friend is just so far away from you.

I pray. I realize that it’s just not possible for me to handle all things by myself. That it’s just impossible to understand why good, hard working, honest and caring people will still end up falling apart and ‘losing’. I choose to believe that there’s this greater power that control chain of events and all I can do is to just surrender. So I pray. I go back home, collecting the pieces of my broken heart, finding myself, accepting the bitter truth that I just… have to start all over again. It’s not easy. But being grounded, finding the center of your life again is truly a blessing. And it’s just come to my understanding, which is probably hypothetical or even a paradox, that no matter what your problems are, they’re just temporary. They’re just reminders of what other important, more urgent matters you need to do. And then, sooner than you had expected, you’ll get back to normal. Things starting to change and it all comes back to you.

This is an invitation to realize what is truly essential in life.

via Daily Prompt: Invitation


Clinging on The Cracked Foundation


There are times in life when things don’t go as planned and are so unexpected. At times like this, I often blame myself and get angry at myself, sometimes even at the uncontrolled situation. Lately, I even want to run away and trade this life with something new. After an investment gone wrong last July, now I may have been a victim of a fraud. I was so desperate to get extra job, so I made an agreement with a person in Mali who wanted to hire me to translate her book. But then things got weird, such as I need to pay for a deposit of guarantee-this is they (the bank in Mali) said as a guarantee that the fund transferred to my account is not for money laundering or pay for terrorist activities-and a tax certificate. I double checked with the lady hiring me, who, at that time, was in Morocco attending her sick son, and she said to do what the bank’s said (after she herself swearing at the complication of the process and apologized for that matter) and sent me a scanned passport of hers. I have to tell you that she is a respectable person in her country-she was a former Minister and former leader of United Nation’s organization. After a few weeks, there was no transfer from Mali and when I checked, they said they have problems with the currency conversion. And I had to make another payment to solve the problem. I did not want to make any more payments for things that clearly are not my responsibilities. Unfortunately, the lady who hired me is ‘inconsolable’-quoting the bank-as her sick son passed away, hence, she cannot be reached and won’t give any response. The bank said that if I refuse to pay, the payments I’ve made earlier will be gone. Non-refundable. So, I asked the bank to give me proof/receipt of the transfer that they claimed to have done, but of course, they did not response.

So here I am, writing a post sharing bitter experience and I just hope that probably the readers learn from my mistakes or even give advice to me about what to do next.

I guess, despite all the efforts we take to make things better, we also need to be extra careful on determining that efforts. I learned that I need to have calm and careful approach in finding solutions. I was angry at the situation, at the universe, because all I wanted to do-with the investments, with the job in Mali-is to save extra money so I can pursue higher education. I cannot only rely on scholarships. And most of all, the thing that makes me even more angry is that I am a hard worker, I do good, I volunteer.

So this, my friends, is my turning point. Life is unfair, I know it, you know it. With all of this problems, all I know is to keep moving forward. Even though it’s so hard to get out of bed, to look at myself in the mirror, to go to work and face the day, but this too, shall pass. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but surely my foundation cracked to pieces and I can only cling there hoping it won’t get any worse than this.