Life is Beautiful

I first heard and understood the word ‘aesthetics‘ when I was an undergraduate. There was one subject called Aesthetics and I remember that I was in my fourth semester when I took a subject for students in sixth semester. It was only the two of us, my friend and I.

We were taught a lot about the history, the philosophical background, from western to eastern perspectives. And I was so amazed how everything is so…’tergantung perspektif’.

And I remember that nearing the end of the semester we had tonwatch the movie, Life is Beautiful. It was about a father, a man, trying to keep his family together and to fulfill what he’s meant to do in this life.

From the class I learned that if we change the way we see things, we can get different impression. I remember I was asked to tell the class about an aesthetical moment I have had in my life. And I told the class about the day when the bus that took 20 other students and I got into an accident and we had to wait for hours on the streets for the replacing bus. We were tired from 3 nights gymboree and starving and cold. But we take the guitar, empty bottles, and we sing a song. We sing along until the sun is up and the bus came. For a split second I remember that I feel like I’m home, I feel happy despite all the bad mood. I told the class that that split second was my aesthetical experience.

The movie life is beautiful reminds me of that event. The upside of life gives me joy and brings happiness. The downside of life helps me grow even taller to be a better person. And when I go back to the upside cycle, I become  more humble and I appreciate all the little things that make life worth living even more.

I guess, the two-up and down-complete each other and without one presence, we can lose the balance.

via Daily Prompt: Aesthetic

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An Invitation To Go Home

I remember when I was a kid, on sixth grade if i’m not mistakenly remember, I got a birthday party invitation from a friend. The address was: APT Gandaria. My cousin, he’s about 10 years older, drove me to the party. We were unable to find the location as the phrase APT was such a mystery. After three times got lost into the wrong neighborhood, we finally solved the mystery–APT stands for Apartment. Back then apartments were not as many as today, so we were not aware/familiar with the acronym. That was an invitation that was like a mystery.
After attending more birthday parties during my pubescent age, I learned that there are other kinds of invitation-work interview. My first work interview was in 2009, I was an undergrad, looking for extra money so I applied to a study center on campus to be a secretary. I remember I was nervous, so briefed myself about possible questions and what the best answers were. I was a bit stammered in the beginning but then got my confidence. I ended up working there for two years. That was an invitation that was like a life lesson.
I got so good at working interviews, as time goes by. I’m almost always able to steal the interviewer’s heart and they end up recruting me. But, there were times when I failed as well. And these times were the best lessons:sometimes it’s not because you’re not good, it’s just because you’re not meant to be there. After trying to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life, I work my way through, and still am. And you know how time flies, right? How you got so deep in your own little circle, building a life you think was righy for you. Until one day, everything you have done to create your own life and happiness just collapsed in front of you. Yep. Just like that.

And here comes a new invitation. A call for going ‘home’. In your exhaustion, your desperation, you need someone there to tell you everything’s going to OK. Someone who hug you, who lifts you up. And when you get older this circle of friends is getting smaller. And your bestest friend is just so far away from you.

I pray. I realize that it’s just not possible for me to handle all things by myself. That it’s just impossible to understand why good, hard working, honest and caring people will still end up falling apart and ‘losing’. I choose to believe that there’s this greater power that control chain of events and all I can do is to just surrender. So I pray. I go back home, collecting the pieces of my broken heart, finding myself, accepting the bitter truth that I just… have to start all over again. It’s not easy. But being grounded, finding the center of your life again is truly a blessing. And it’s just come to my understanding, which is probably hypothetical or even a paradox, that no matter what your problems are, they’re just temporary. They’re just reminders of what other important, more urgent matters you need to do. And then, sooner than you had expected, you’ll get back to normal. Things starting to change and it all comes back to you.

This is an invitation to realize what is truly essential in life.

via Daily Prompt: Invitation

Menikah Beda Agama di Indonesia

Sudah sejak lama saya pengen bikin tulisan ini tapi selalu saja lupa 😀

Karena saya menikah beda agama dengan suami, banyak yang suka nanya ke saya apakah hal itu mungkin dilakukan, bagaimana caranya, dsb. Nggak sedikit yang berpikir kalau beda agama harus nikah di luar negeri, atau nikahnya harus bikin KTP palsu, atau malah ngga bisa sama sekali. Lalu banyak yang akhirnya putus hubungan hanya karena beda agama, hiks hiks..sedih dengernya.

Pertama-tama, saya Katolik dan suami Muslim. Pernikahan kami langsungkan menurut tata cara Katolik di gereja Katolik pula. Hal itu mungkin kami lakukan karena Katolik mengakui perbedaan agama.

Kedua, menurut Undang-Undang Perkawinan Indonesia, suatu pernikahan itu dianggap sah oleh negara apabila pernikahan itu dilangsungkan secara sah menurut suatu agama tertentu (bahasanya mungkin berbeda dengan kalimat saya, tapi intinya seperti itu).

Nah, suami dan saya sepakat untuk melangsungkan pernikahan tersebut di gereja. Pada dasarnya kami ini ingin berangkat menuju babak baru dalam kehidupan kami dengan penuh kejujuran dan keterbukaan. Oleh karena pernikahan beda agama diakui oleh gereja Katolik maka kami mengadakan Pemberkatan sederhana di sana.

Apa saja syaratnya? Semua prosedur dan syarat sama saja dengan pasangan sesama Katolik. Tidak ada bedanya dan tidak diperumit. Yang saya jalani kemarin, saya mendatangi sekretariat paroki tempat saya dibaptis, karena di situlah saya harus mengurus semua proses awal, yaitu pendaftaran. Syarat pendaftarannya adalah melengkapi semua berkas yang diperlukan. Kalau nggak salah itu surat baptis, krisma, lalu dokumen N1-N4, ktp, KK gereja. Itu yang saya ingat, bisa berbeda-beda ya, sebaiknya cek ke sekretariat masing-masing. Lalu mengisi formulir pendaftaran. Nah, untuk yang beda agama di formulir nanti akan mengisi keterangan beda agama, supaya nanti nggak ditanyain mana surat baptis calon pasangannya.

Setelah itu, mengikuti kursus persiapan perkawinan (KPP). Karena kami saat itu tinggal di kota berbeda, sempat disarankan untuk mengikuti KPP di kota masing-masing saja. Diperbolehkan asal nggak lupa nanti menyertakan sertifikat KPP. Tapi kami memutuskan bareng di gereja Blok B, Jakarta. Oiya, sertifikat KPP itu ada masa berlakunya ya, yaitu 6 bulan. Jadi kalau sampai 6 bulan setelah kursus belum menikah, dianggap sertifikatnya angus dan harus ikut KPP lagi.

Setelah mengikuti KPP dan dapat sertifikat, tahap selanjutnya adalah Kanonik. Pada tahap ini, pasangan akan bertemu dengan Romo untuk ngobrol sama Romo soal kesiapan mental sebelum menikah. Romo akan mengajukan beberapa pertanyaan dan kroscek kelengkapan data kita. Awalnya Romo akan minta kita dan pasangan untuk menghadap dan berdiskusi soal perbedaan agama, khususnya terkait anak. Lalu obrolan akan dilanjutkan secara terpisah, entah yang laki dulu atau perempuan dulu. Banyak yang suka bingung Kanonik itu ngapain, sih? tenang aja, Kanonik itu proses di mana Romo mau ‘memeriksa’udah sejauh mana pasangan saling mengenal dan bagaimana kesiapan mereka. ada paksaan atau tidak, sudah memikirkan rencana ke depannya gimana/belum, dsb. Semua lebih seperti ngobrol dan mendapatkan nasihat dari Romo dan itu semua buat kebaikan kita sendiri. Ada yang takut bakal dikristenisasi. Haha..tenang aja, nggak bakal kok. Pas saya tanya ke pasangan saya, dia bilang yang ditanyakan hal umum banget, Romonya juga banyak ngajak bercanda.

Setelah Kanonik selesai, kita menunggu. Agak deg-degan juga waktu itu ya, karena Romo akan memberikan hasil wawancaranya dengan kita ke Bapa Uskup. Setelah itu, semua dokumen kita dari awal akan diperiksa oleh Bapa Uskup. Kalau menurut beliau semua tidak ada masalah, maka akan diberikan izin. Nanti kita akan dikabari oleh pihak sekretariat paroki untuk mengambil berkas dari Keusukupan. Amplopnya semua disegel, jadi hanya kita yang tahu hasilnya. Izin pun keluar, jadi bisa urus tahap berikutnya, yaitu sekretariat paroki akan mengumumkan rencana pernikahan kita tiga minggu berturut-turut pada misa hari Minggu.

Buat yang mau melangsungkan pernikahannya bukan di gereja tempat asal, harus nembung izin ke gereja tempat nanti akan melangsungkan pernikahan. Contoh, saya asal dari Jakarta tapi mau menikah di Jogja, jadi saya memberitahukan Romo yang akan memberkati pernikahan saya dan semua berkas asli yang dikasih Keuskupan harus diserahkan ke Romo yang akan menikahkan kita di lokasi penyelenggaraan.

Setelah pernikahan di gereja selesai, kita melapor ke catatan sipil, deh. Bawa semua berkas persyaratan, datang sesuai janji, trus udah deh..kayak nikah lagi di catatan sipil, hehe.. Ada pasangan yang paginya ke catatan sipil dulu (tentunya sudah dengan perjanjian, ya) baru acara di gereja. Cuma waktu itu karena nikahnya di beda kota jadi pilihan itu tidak memungkinkan bagi kami.

Nah, itu tadi sharing soal prosedur menikah beda agama secara Katolik. Semoga bermanfaat, ya!

 

Clinging on The Cracked Foundation

 

There are times in life when things don’t go as planned and are so unexpected. At times like this, I often blame myself and get angry at myself, sometimes even at the uncontrolled situation. Lately, I even want to run away and trade this life with something new. After an investment gone wrong last July, now I may have been a victim of a fraud. I was so desperate to get extra job, so I made an agreement with a person in Mali who wanted to hire me to translate her book. But then things got weird, such as I need to pay for a deposit of guarantee-this is they (the bank in Mali) said as a guarantee that the fund transferred to my account is not for money laundering or pay for terrorist activities-and a tax certificate. I double checked with the lady hiring me, who, at that time, was in Morocco attending her sick son, and she said to do what the bank’s said (after she herself swearing at the complication of the process and apologized for that matter) and sent me a scanned passport of hers. I have to tell you that she is a respectable person in her country-she was a former Minister and former leader of United Nation’s organization. After a few weeks, there was no transfer from Mali and when I checked, they said they have problems with the currency conversion. And I had to make another payment to solve the problem. I did not want to make any more payments for things that clearly are not my responsibilities. Unfortunately, the lady who hired me is ‘inconsolable’-quoting the bank-as her sick son passed away, hence, she cannot be reached and won’t give any response. The bank said that if I refuse to pay, the payments I’ve made earlier will be gone. Non-refundable. So, I asked the bank to give me proof/receipt of the transfer that they claimed to have done, but of course, they did not response.

So here I am, writing a post sharing bitter experience and I just hope that probably the readers learn from my mistakes or even give advice to me about what to do next.

I guess, despite all the efforts we take to make things better, we also need to be extra careful on determining that efforts. I learned that I need to have calm and careful approach in finding solutions. I was angry at the situation, at the universe, because all I wanted to do-with the investments, with the job in Mali-is to save extra money so I can pursue higher education. I cannot only rely on scholarships. And most of all, the thing that makes me even more angry is that I am a hard worker, I do good, I volunteer.

So this, my friends, is my turning point. Life is unfair, I know it, you know it. With all of this problems, all I know is to keep moving forward. Even though it’s so hard to get out of bed, to look at myself in the mirror, to go to work and face the day, but this too, shall pass. I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but surely my foundation cracked to pieces and I can only cling there hoping it won’t get any worse than this.

 

Recovering from Over-thinking

what does it feel like when you’ve always been telling your friends, “hey, stop overthinking or you’ll stressed out,” and it turns out that you are an overthinker?

i was shocked.

seven months ago, my world almost collapsed from its center and I don’t know what to do. first, denial. then, slowly I get to accept the bitter truth.

So, I’m an overthinker. now what?

I was fortunate enough my psychologist, though hundreds miles away from me, she’s been supportive and sent me links and suggestions how to manage my thoughts.

The yoga sessions I have had contributed a lot to help me minimise the crazy thoughts. I somehow gain the availability to be a spectator of my own mind swirling in chaos. I don’t usually able to stay in this state for a long time, but enough to see what it’s like. And it’s… dark. so dark, I can’t even begin to imagine how I’ve lived until now with such darkness inside of me.

During the first weeks, I was busy figuring out how to stop. But then I figured, it’s almost impossible to stop completely, as my brain is wired that way. But I don’t want to give in and justify this negative thoughts controlling my life.

So this is what I learned. Surrender.

I know. it may sound like I’m giving in, right? But actually, surrender in this context is first and foremost, accept that I have an issue. I have a problem, I have this huge flaw I have never known in my life before. And then, as I said earlier, it’s so hard to completely stop, so I identify what mood, what events, what situations that may trigger my overthinking. Once I managed that, I know how to handle and react or even prevent that from happening. One of the causes is uncomfortable feeling especially when things don’t go as planned. I usually, almost instantly, fall into the trap of thinking, “why fate does not favor me? why am I the one to sacrifice things? why should I be feeling disappointed all the time?” and the thoughts go on and on and on… endless, harmful. So when that situation occur, I try to surrender. not to the negative thoughts, but to the flow and the following chain of events. I’m letting the universe work, rather than controlling the universe. What will be, will be. And I keep telling myself, it’s not my fault, it’s not because I was unfortunate, it’s not the determination that I won’t be able to get the opportunities, it doesn’t mean I’m a loser. It’s just not meant to be at that time, for that occasion.

Once I cut the chain of reactions of the negative thoughts, and this is also combined by awareness breathing, I start to feel okay. Everything’s fine, it’s not the end of the world. And then I start to smile. Smile is good. Smile is healthy. Happy thoughts slowly pops in my head. and then I laugh and just like that, I don’t overthink.

I still need a lot of practise, but this proves that it’s possible. I can control this.

After a while I realise that the complexity of how my mind works can be beneficial as well. I like plans, this helps me to organize all my ideas and thoughts and I am able to have a bit of control over the consequences. And this mind of mine works amazingly when it comes to detail. So this is another homework for me: channeling thoughts into positive ideas, positive work, and creating creative ideas from this complex web.

Be happy.

always.

 

 

Overthinking

Apa sih overthinking itu?

Pernah mengalami situasi di mana ada suatu kejadian kecil, lalu itu membuatmu pikiranmu jadi ruwet ke mana-mana, hingga pada akhirnya kamu merasa sangat capek, sedih, bahkan berujung stres?

Ya, kurang lebih itulah overthinking. Untuk lebih jelasnya, kamu bisa berkunjung ke Depression, Anxiety and Overthinking atau bertanya ke ahlinya seperti psikolog atau psikiater.

Overthinking masih sering disepelekan oleh kebanyakan penderitanya. Padahal, yang satu itu, kalau tidak dikendalikan, bisa mengarah pada depresi sampai keinginan untuk bunuh diri, lho.

Saya adalah seorang “overthinker”.

Saya baru mengetahuinya sekitar tujuh bulan yang lalu.

Awalnya tentu saya tidak menyadarinya. Tahun silih berganti, dan saya semakin sering stress akan beberapa hal tertentu, yang cenderung berawal dari satu hal sepele sekali. Bersyukur karena saya orang yang cukup reflektif, kemudian saya bertanya dalam diri saya sendiri, “kenapa harusnya segitunya, sih? Apa iya itu normal?”

Karena saya tidak bisa menjawab sendiri, saya lalu curhat sekaligus konsul ke psikolog saya. Diawali dengan menceritakan kejadian paling pertama, apa yang saya pikirkan, sampai hingga akhirnya apa yang saya rasakan dan dampaknya kepada diri saya dan orang terdekat.

Dari situ saya jadi tahu. Oh, gue overthinking ternyata.

Kenyataan yang pahit, karena saya hampir selalu bilang ke teman-teman saya, “nggak usah overthinking lah,” eh, ternyata, saya sendiri yang overthinking.

Psikolog saya memberi beberapa alternatif cara untuh mencegah kondisi ini semakin buruk. Dia mengirimkan saya tautan ini nih, How to stop overthinking dan memberi beberapa saran, salah satunya untuk menciptakan ‘mantra’ supaya berhenti berpikir terlalu jauh dan melakukan sesuatu dengan tangan saya.

Ternyata sulit banget ya. Tapi perubahan memang memerlukan waktu, jadi sabarrrr…. tarik napas… coba lagi.

Nah, masalahnya, bagaimana saya tahu bahwa saya tidak sedang overthinking, melainkan memang memikirkan suatu perkara tertentu? Overthinking itu, dari pengalaman saya ya, tidak selalu ada hubungan langsung dengan perkara sebenarnya. Kebetulan, saya punya banyak pengalaman buruk di masa lalu yang membuat saya paling enggak suka kalau diabaikan, karena sepanjang masa kecil saya banyak mengalami pengabaian. Dan situasi yang bikin saya bad mood, merasa dicuekin, kayak gitu jadi memicu serangkaian pikiran negatif terkait masa lalu yang nggak nyaman itu. Dan pada akhirnya, bukan tidak mungkin itu malah akan menciptakan masalah baru yang tadinya enggak ada, jadi ada deh.. bagaikan sulap. haha. Jadi, biasanya saya tahu ya dari gimana masalah itu cepet mencapai solusi atau enggak. s

Suami saya bilang ke saya, “sejak kamu dikasih tau kalau kamu overthinking, kok kayaknya kamu malah makin ga jelas sih?”

Dia berkata seperti itu karena dia tidak sepenuhnya paham kayak apa sebenernya kerja otak saya. Jadi saya maklumi saja. Yang penting, nggak boleh nyerah sama keadaan. Yes, I am wired this way, I cannot control or plan how my mind create its own web of thoughts. But, I can always control what to think and decide to be positive.

Orang berubah tidak semudah membalikkan telapak tangan, kok

Jadi, kalau kamu memang ternyata overthinker, jangan malu untuk mengakuinya. At least, ke diri kamu sendiri. Dan, jangan takut bahwa kamu itu tidak normal. Tenang aja, punya sesuatu yang lebih bukan berarti tidak normal. Kita cuma punya tantangan unik dibandingkan orang lain aja.

Overthinking ada sisi positifnya kok. Saya ini kalau ada di dekat orang-orang positif, diajak kerja dengan cara positif, banyak ide kreatif bermunculan. dan, sangking kompleksnya pemikiran saya ini, ide-ide yang saya munculkan itu kerap cukup detail dan luas. Saya cocok banget buat handle project-project yang perlu memerhatikan detail dan multi-tasking.

So, surround yourself with positive people, even create such positive vibes for you. Ubah yang “buruk” jadi baik dengan mengubah sudut pandang.

Merasa ada banyak kemiripan? Jangan ragu untuk konsultasi dengan ahlinya ya. Tulisan saya ini semata sharing dari pengalaman saya pribadi. But I really encourage all of you to have healthy mind and happy life. 🙂

 

F.E.A.R

A a beautiful post from Nikita Pandya about fear really struck me in the heart and inspired me to compose this writing.

I always imagine myself as courageous woman. I always have this image of myself being able to stand up for every one in need, defending those whose rights have been abused. But I guess, that’s just an illusion. I was not brave at all.

The point where I finally got the nerve to stand up was when I confronted my angry father, who had his fist clenched and punched it to the wall right next to my left ear. I did not blink and I certainly did not try to avoid that fist. I looked him in the eye, and challenged him. I said, ‘Go on, do what you want to do with me. I am not afraid.’ After that we had an endless and pointless argument for about an hour.

I went back to my room and suddenly I started crying. I called my husband, at the time still my boyfriend, and couldn’t say a word. I just cried. He listened to me crying until when I was finally able to control my breathing, I said, “Dad tried to hit me again,” and he said, “Okay. Now what do you want me to do?” and I replied, “Nothing. I’m going to hang up the phone. I love you.”

I think it was the bravest moment in my life that I have ever experienced. When I was a kid, when my father would swing his arm to hit me in the face or wherever he can land his hand upon me, I would not dare to even look him in the eye.

I guess growing up makes me stronger. I guess moving away from the family gave me a different perspective and suddenly I am not a child anymore.

But I am still not fearless. I’m still afraid of things unknown and uncertain. I certainly still afraid of failure. And, oddly enough, I don’t want to lose that feeling. Fear has made me stronger. I’ve known fear for almost my entire childhood. We’re sort of best friends. Without fear, I wouldn’t be able to prepare the worse case scenarios. And therefore, I wouldn’t be able to strategize my steps forward. Fear makes me human.

 

I walk side by side with fear

I acknowledge her being there

Watching me, taunting me

 

It gives me goose bumps

It makes my voice tremble

It discourages my faith

 

Sometime I got beaten

Most of the times I won

 

Fear is not the enemy

Fear is the motivation,

The drive,

To keep on moving forward,

And to dare

Always.

 

The COME BACK!

I know it’s been a while since I last write

It has been a tough year for me

Especially the last few months

I feel like I want to tell you everything

But I realize it’s pointless

It is also an excuse for not writing

I have been writing, but never thought that they’re worth to publish

And I’ve written various topics as well, I didn’t know where to start

There’s this piece about over-thinking

About the struggle in finding what’s best for you and your family

About the loneliness that sometimes crawling in the most vulnerable moments in our lives

About the new movie series trend

About the anger of not capable to do about the things getting out of our control

About marriage-whether to marry the devil you know or with a new devil

And there is about the difference between working for yourself and for other people

I have no idea where to start.

While I was away from the blogging world, I notice that there are a lot of things going on here as well. And I must admit, that I really like the current system of the blogging university. And I just registered to join the “Branding and Growth Course”. I hope I can get insights and at the same time contribute a little of my experience in the group.

Share your thoughts in the comment on things I should write first. Or better yet, if you can tell me how to organize those pieces into one big piece of writing.

 

Cheers!

Quick Music Tips: How to Sell Your Music Successfully – YouTube — Sabrina Pena Young

Originally posted on Libertaria: The Virtual Opera: Quick Musician Tips in this Short Video! Libertaria: The Virtual Opera View original post

via Quick Music Tips: How to Sell Your Music Successfully – YouTube — Sabrina Pena Young

I love listening to the music, and probably that’s why I married a musician. Sabrina managed to make a quick and informative video about the little things novice musicians often forget. Make sure to drop by her page and have a look!

 

Happy International Woman’s Day

I have met a lot of inspiring women in my life. I have worked with one of them, as well. My father thought maybe I should be borned as a boy, because of my boyish look and my lack of feminine features-soft spoken, not too critical, over-independent, and not wearing make ups, etc. But I have never regret it. 

Growing up, I am told that being a true woman I should do this and that, talk in certain way, think in certain way, should oblige the men, should show respect for the men, should not eat much, should look lean, should not get high education so I don’t scare the men and I would get husband quicker, should be able to cook, manage all domestic chores, and I could go on until tomorrow… But I am tired with all that ‘requirements’. Why should I respect anyone-not just men-who simply doesn’t deserve any respect? Why should I just oblige to whatever people say, just because they have more authority upon me? Besides, who has power over a person but that person itself? There are people living in the same roof, so why only women who should bear responsibilities for domestic chores? Why should I walk with my legs tight together and spread apart? Why should I not eat what I want to, when I want to? Why should I not exercise and build muscle if I want to? Why should I have certain physical requirements just to be called ‘beautiful’? Those questions bother me since I was a teenager and woke the rebel part of me. I hate stereotyping. It belittles human. 

So I chose not to follow the ‘rules’. I chose to be happy for who I am. I chose to embrace me. 

You should too. 

To all women.

Cheers