Love Hate Love Hate Love

I saw the graffiti of ‘love hate love hate love’ is quite common on the streets of Yogyakarta. I didn’t know what the artist really meant by that. I still have no clue till now.

I like to think that between love and hate, there’s only one thin line that separates them. When we love someone or something too much and when they disappoint us or hurt us, that love would turn into hate quickly. On the contrary, what once we hated so much, it could show us its other side of the coin and we could fall in love.

How much hate are you feeling right now? And how much love? Which one is bigger? Do you let it consume you, or do you tend to control it?

My first attempt in writing something under Hate theme, I went on and on about all the things I hate about my childhood. And then it made me cry all night. It made me feel all those painful events all over again. The weird part is, as I am getting older, the more detail I remember. All of a sudden I realize how it will never go away. It stays. It leaves a big scar. But I don’t have to weep every time I’m reminded that I have such big scar.

For some time now I have been trying how to write hate in a different perspective.

Hate makes people kill.

Hate consumes people, makes people blindsided.

Hate makes human souls rot and suggest it to do evil.

Hate makes human pale, unhappy, scared of.

Hate lets people justify all the wrongdoings.

Hate takes away source of life: light, peace, smile, laughter, love.

So I don’t want to linger there. Yes, I acknowledge that we shouldn’t ignore or pretend that we don’t feel it. I did embrace that hatred, because I believe that the only way out is through.

Instead I wrote down the blessings from my bad childhood:

I grew up to be a strong, resilient, and independent woman.

There is nothing life throws at me that I can’t catch and throw back even harder.


Author: Maria Ambarastuti

A wife, a worker, a dreamer. trying to live her life to the fullest and continue to search for ways to enrich life. drop me an email for further chats:

3 thoughts on “Love Hate Love Hate Love”

  1. I’ve always found hate a difficult feeling. I’m not even sure I experienced it. I know jealousy, disappointment, anger,… but hate? I don’t know. Many of those negative feelings have the power to consume you if you let them take over. Finding a way to deal with them is a simple act of self-defense.

    I hope, with your ambitions as a writer, you find a way to deal with your childhood in a way that you feel comfortable with. Maybe one day it will come out. Maybe it never will, and then so be it. Your last words made me smile (and I am going to remember them): throwing back even harder. Ha!

    And it is a weird and funny feeling… we started our honeymoon in the streets of Yogya. We had a great long week on Java with a wonderful Javanese guide by our side, and then went to Bali for the last few days. I love your mother tongue – it’s so different from anything I know! (pelan plan must be my favorite expression ever 🙂 )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Where are you from exactly? Regarding my childhood, I’ve seek consult from psychologist and she said it’s normal to remember the past events and still feel hurt and it’s okay. She encourage me to feel it, don’t block it away as it will only make it painful. And it’s true, the more I let it be, but at the same time aware the cause of such feelings, I understand myself better and slowly I heal myself. The best way out is through 🙂 at least that’s what I experienced.


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