One of my favorite writers, James Altucher wrote ‘How To Get Off The Floor When All Seems Hopeless’. You can read it here.
I think we all had that experience when we don’t know what to do or even where to seek advice. Hopeless. Powerless.
James’ writing is to help his readers dealing with that situation. One thing that I highlighted from his writing is this: “..the best way to help others is to first be kind with yourself.”
I was very good at listening to complaints, giving advice, and assist friends who went through difficult times. It felt good that they are counting on me. It made me feel needed. Somehow I also felt I was liberated from my own burden.
I didn’t realize then how much I needed help before the night my father tried to hit me again. It happened last year, when I was super busy with my wedding preparation.
The one thing I learned from that experience is, that it is always easier said than done.
I shut down. I pulled back. I hid myself. I was ashamed.
After that incident I was calloused. I couldn’t get through it alone. I didn’t have the strength or the thoughts to even try figure things out.
It was like my life was torn apart. Everything I led myself to believe in, all hope that things are getting better, gone.
My heart was broken. My trust was violated. I didn’t know how to pick myself up from the floor.
I finally made an appointment with a psychologist. I was lucky I have a friend who encouraged me to go and seek counsel. For the first time my eyes were widely open to see the big wound I had and how I was weak and scared. I was too proud to admit that.
I was kind to other people, but I was not kind to myself. How did I manage to do that? I have no idea.
Surprisingly, after I try almost every possible effort and exhaust the steps to help myself, I got even better in understanding other people.
I agree to many things from James’ list. I would like to add something, though: when you’re hopeless, desperate or in despair, acknowledge it. Don’t try to avoid it. Embrace the hopelessness with all your heart and let it hurt you. It will give you a lot of pain, but when it goes away, you will be able to fully accept what happened and then move forward peacefully.
My experience taught me that the more I try to ignore the feeling and pretending that everything’s fine, the more I hurt myself. I was actually killing my personality and replacing it with something fake.
It’s more difficult to face the truth than running away from it. But it is less destructive.
It does not mean things will immediately get easier. Sometimes they get messier. But you’re starting to heal. And I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to forgive yourself. To love yourself. Be kind to yourself.
I think what I really want to say is, never give up. Never give in. Surround yourself with positive energy.
Always know that, at the end of the tunnel there’s always light.