Home is where your heart is

I never knew what it was like to be happy. To have a happy family who care and love each other. I grew up with anger, sadness, hatred, revenge, and neglect surrounding the whole atmosphere. Everytime I got back from school my heart swirls. What’s gonna happen this time, I thought to myself. 

With dark-unhappy childhood, I grew up believing that there is no happiness. It’s only for those who live a better life than my family. Better economy. Better choices. 

Things started to change when I went to college- I moved to a different city. Smaller than my hometown. There, my fellow college students thought I’m this rich girl from the Capital and have lots of other privileges than them. I found it hard at first, but then it changed me. 

That city and its nuances, college life and my new bestfriends-everything helped me to see the world from a different perspective. Being alone from family is hard for some, but for me then it was okay. I was doing extremely well and okay. 

No need to worry everytime I got back from school, no need to listen to hard rock music to silence the noise outside my room, and most importantly, no need to worry if I made even the smallest mistake. Everything was fine. I was happy though I wasn’t ‘home’.

After I graduated, I moved back to my hometown. Gosh, it was worse than before I left four years before. Then I became like common urban people. Living a life like clockwork. Routine. The happiness I built in the college town is slowly and surely tumbling down. I lost myself. I began making the damn same knot like my family. 

I realized that everytime I got back from work I feel unsafe, uncomfortable…still worrying things. 

One day I decided to resign from my job. A fabulous career, they say. Too bad, they say. 

But ere I am now, back to college town. Building a family of my own with my husband. Hopefully a better and loving one. 

So I guess it’s true; home is where your heart is.  

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Author: Maria Ambarastuti

A wife, a worker, a dreamer. trying to live her life to the fullest and continue to search for ways to enrich life. drop me an email for further chats: m.ambarastuti@gmail.com

16 thoughts on “Home is where your heart is”

    1. I remember my psychologist once said: you deserve to be happy, no matter what they say.
      I’m happy that I’ve made myself happy instead of pleasing people all the time

      Liked by 1 person

      1. People can sometimes give good advice and helpful hints, but ultimately your life is your life. Some of the things that other people feel is important (making a ton of money, for example) may just not motivate you all that much.

        Personally, I think if you know your own mind and know what you think is important, you have to base your life decisions upon that rather than the on the views of others. 😀

        Like

  1. I have similar feelings about home… I always say “this house is not a home” bc the house I grew up in was not one full of love, therefore it was not my home.

    Like

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