I never knew what it was like to be happy. To have a happy family who care and love each other. I grew up with anger, sadness, hatred, revenge, and neglect surrounding the whole atmosphere. Everytime I got back from school my heart swirls. What’s gonna happen this time, I thought to myself.
With dark-unhappy childhood, I grew up believing that there is no happiness. It’s only for those who live a better life than my family. Better economy. Better choices.
Things started to change when I went to college- I moved to a different city. Smaller than my hometown. There, my fellow college students thought I’m this rich girl from the Capital and have lots of other privileges than them. I found it hard at first, but then it changed me.
That city and its nuances, college life and my new bestfriends-everything helped me to see the world from a different perspective. Being alone from family is hard for some, but for me then it was okay. I was doing extremely well and okay.
No need to worry everytime I got back from school, no need to listen to hard rock music to silence the noise outside my room, and most importantly, no need to worry if I made even the smallest mistake. Everything was fine. I was happy though I wasn’t ‘home’.
After I graduated, I moved back to my hometown. Gosh, it was worse than before I left four years before. Then I became like common urban people. Living a life like clockwork. Routine. The happiness I built in the college town is slowly and surely tumbling down. I lost myself. I began making the damn same knot like my family.
I realized that everytime I got back from work I feel unsafe, uncomfortable…still worrying things.
One day I decided to resign from my job. A fabulous career, they say. Too bad, they say.
But ere I am now, back to college town. Building a family of my own with my husband. Hopefully a better and loving one.
So I guess it’s true; home is where your heart is.